And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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