I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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