wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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