did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
