I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
