her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
