3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
