end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
