Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
