when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
