Swine flu. Run for my life!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
