Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
