I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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