either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
