Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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