i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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