I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
