I got chris browned last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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