I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
