How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
