3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
