guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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