new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
