it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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