And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
