I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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