he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
