who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
