There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
