I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
