Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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