We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
