so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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