I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
