Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
being pregnant is like rehab
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
last night I used snow as a chaser
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
