So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
