I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
