Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
