omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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