I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize