I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
