we have officially lost it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
