Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize