he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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