Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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