I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
