so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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