well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
