he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
