She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
