her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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