She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
