You made me cry and you don't even care
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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