I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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