If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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