I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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