you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
