i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize