Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i barfeds in our rink
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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