If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Text me some of your sweat
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
