when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
