Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
