I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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