Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize