Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
