listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
