I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
