Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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