By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
