the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
