first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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