I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i think i just lost a toe
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
