Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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