i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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