There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
