Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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