I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
