Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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