I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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