update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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