I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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