you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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