Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
