Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
