I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
