I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
