Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
