Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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