new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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