Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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