i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
