I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
