I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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