my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
