i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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