I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
